I didn’t expect sex, but I thought it was a real possibility. Or at least an intense make out session with some under bra and panties action.

Modern standards say she’s a prude. My standards say she’s a classy lady.

Perhaps she is a virgin, as has been theorized. How special that would be.

I didn’t expect sex, but I thought it was a real possibility. Or at least an intense make out session with some under bra and panties action.

Modern standards say she’s a prude. My standards say she’s a classy lady.

Perhaps she is a virgin, as has been theorized. How special that would be.

Thank you for giving me the strength, God. Please continue to watch over me as I continue on this new journey in my life.

The food isn’t terrible; fresh fruit, nothing fried. Making me appreciate a delicious cheeseburger or big bowl of pasta.

Gonna drop about 25% of my weight over 6 months. Plan to tone up by lifting weights and doing more cardio. If it helps with the ladies so be it, but I’m doing it for me.

Thank you for giving me the strength, God. Please continue to watch over me as I continue on this new journey in my life.

The move went extremely well, and my emotions seem to be in order.

Wrapping up the old apartment today went perfectly. Unpacking in the new apartment is going good as well.

My first walk home at night was safe and uneventful. I’ll walk all the way from work soon. I hope nothing bad ever happens.

TV fit in car. No incidents walking home. Work a bit frustrating; need to sleep a little more.

Saw my good friend Abby today. She’s a very, very good friend.

Walked to work and back home (at night) without incident. Thank you for keeping me safe.

Sara is a possible opportunity, that would be nice. Been watching my diet for two days now.

Diet going well. A bit blue in general; working on it. Happy to see my bro’s gf on fb; its nice making new friends.

Please continue to watch over me as I continue on this new journey in my life.

I’m exhausted, tired, I’ll be sore tomorrow, and it’ll all have to be unpacked. I’m nostalgic…Ive lived here for two years, it’s what I know…I feel safe here. I say change is good, but I’m scared.

I’m so lonely. I wish wasn’t doing this by myself. God knows I really tried dating, but nothing. I’m not scared of living by myself, I’ve done that for two years now. What I am scared of, what I’m horrified of, is being single for the rest of my life.

I want and need affection. I need to be hugged, kissed, and held at night. I want to love her, and her to love me. Change is the only constant in life, but love can be too. No matter the weather, shed be there, our relationship would be there. It would be my rock.

I saw C a week ago. I loved seeing her. I wrote her a long letter about how I still and always will love her. I wrote that I wished things were different so we could date and marry. If she was here, I would date her. Maybe there’s enough of the old left that she still loves me, and enough of the new that she could love me even more, and vice versa. She hasn’t written back. Smart girl maybe. Such is life.

This move is a new chapter in my life…a new volume. I can “start new”…keeping the good of the old, and making only good of the new. It’s a high class place, maybe out of league. But I work hard for my money, I deserve to be there. I wish I’ll meet a new girl, a woman who lives in my new building. Shes like me, a young professional that came from a working class family. She wants a relationship with a guy like me. Work is important to her, but she knows the value of a good man’s heart. She beautiful but not a whore. Smart but not sassy. She’s healthy but not a nut. More than anything, she’s loving and caring.

God, please give me strength to complete this move and being the next volume in my life. Please give me the direction I need to be successful in my love life, my family life, and my work life. Please send me the girl my heart and soul desires. Please keep watch over me.

“…take me home…”

Ripping at each other in the stair well, we fumble our way to my apartment door. Pressing you up against the door while kissing you, I blindly open the door with my keys. A breath and gaze once we’re in.

“…oh…”

I scoop you up and carry you to the bedroom. Laying you down slowly, never loosing eye contact with you.

I wanted to hug you. I wanted to kiss you. I wanted to tell you how I miss you. I wanted you to hold me in your arms and tell me you missed me. I would have said that I think we’re still good together. I would have said that I’m sorry for the way things turned out, but maybe we could try again. I wanted more time with you; to listen to you talk, to hear you laugh, to have you make me laugh.

I’ve romanticized it all. Maybe there are subtle things I missed that were prelude to personality and lifestyle changes that I wouldn’t find attractive in a woman. If not change, then blossoming. The last three years have been busier and more compressed than, possibly, all the time we knew each other.

The happiest moment I’ve had in a long time (despite being generally happy regularly), was only two hours apart from the saddest moment I’ve had in a long time.

I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since then. The same thing has happened every time we’ve talked; I wonder about you all the time, how your career is going, how your love life is, how things you did or said a hundred years ago still make me laugh, and if you ever think about me.

Im sitting twenty feet away from a girl that looks like you, from behind at least. She’s wearing one of those knitted head bands like you used to, the one I liked so much. I know its not you that Im looking at, but a part of me really wants it to be you. You’re here, secretly, waiting for me to show up. You talked to a mutual acquaintance and they told you that Im here often at this time. You decided to surprise me, to show up and tell me that your single, to tell me that you’d like another chance, that we were right for each other. You didnt notice me as I came in, Sitting here now realizing its you, I want to walk over, sit down it front of you, and nonchalantly say “hi”. We would gaze at each other, in awe of what the years have done to the other. You’d spill your guts and I’d spill mine.

But its not you, and its better that way. I need not spend so much time in my head as I have been lately. I want to think of you as much as you don’t think about me, and less. Time, time.